Marriage and Medicine

[The_Scientist]

Hey Everyone,

How's everyone doing? First of all let me start of by saying that this site is awesome...I'm a long time leaker first time poster....

Since there are a lot of people on here that are in medical school, I thought I could ask your opinion on a dilemma I'm having.

I live in North American and to get into med school there you need to do an undergraduate degree and write an enterance exam. I took a year off of school and did a little travel before applying to med school. During that year I met my fiancée. Before I met her I had not intended on getting married until atleast I was finished school but what can I say I fall head over heels for her, and proposed  ...but her parents don't think I can do both medical and marriage...I know that financial things will be tight and she understands that, but it would only be for four years. I was wondering if some one in medical school now could give me some advice. Do you think our parents are right? Can I manage both?

[Waxbaro!]

Married partners can support each other through this. Or they can end up fighting all the time. You have to decide for yourself what you think is likely. But be very conscious about it - discuss and write down your agreements beforehand. Don't assume that "We love each other." will get you through anything...

Marriage can affect your attendance & performance negatively or positively.

[Dr.keyf]

Hello scientist,i agree wid waxbaro.also my opinion is tht her parents r wrong.u can do both.it all depends on u.marriage is never an easy task,afterall ure livin n learnin each other on a daily basis.wat u both need in ur relationship is understandin n support.tht wil get u through anythin.medicine is an emotionally drainin experience,i think its fantastic tht u hv sumone who comforts u when da goin gets tough.as for money,u shudnt b worried abt tht.money can be tight whether ure doin medicine or not.she can work while u complete ur studies n later u can take over.bt be careful abt babies,they change everythin.it gets 10 times harder if u get a child.goodluck

[Dr.Hersi]

 HI all,
 I agree  with waxbaro and Dr.kayf, to manage your self and get  your ritgh way ,
but  my experiance about this  issue , I advice to you to finish your studies than  do every things that u need,

[Abdulrazzak]

heloo all
Scient  its  my  advice  u batter finish then the Plan B  (Marriege)  never mix up togather unless u  take hard  time in u study ....

[Nomad]

First of all you dont even know you will get into medschool.

At this moment in time anything other than getting your academic credentials and preparing for the entrance exams is a distraction. If you are confident she feels just like you do, you should be able to put marriage on hold for now, get yourself into medschool and see how the first year goes. If all is going smoothly, then you will KNOW you can handle marriage and medschool, you will have shown her parents and should have the green light!

[Mandeq]

wow , it is pretty tough , most of you didn't think  about his feelings at all, brother it is all depends on her (you lady) if she is supportive , understandable person who will stand by you , I'm sure you will manage both together it may be tough but put you hearts and minds together with full determination , Don't follow any other people's decision make up u mind, CAN she compromise the 24/7 constantly that you will be stydying, medicine it is not easy, I wish u the best of luck!!

[The_Scientist]

Thanks for the advice everyone...it's given me a lot to think about.

Nomad--> I wrote the enterance exam last summer and I have been interviewed at a few schools this year, so insh'Allah I'm hoping to start this fall. She's already promised to wait for me to finish med school before getting married...we've also considered waiting until my third and fourth year (when you start clinical rotations)...thinking it might be easier then (does anyone know if that's true??). 

Dr. Hersi--> she's finishing uni this year and has already gotten a few job offers. She doesn't mind taking on the financial burden initially while I am school. She wants to focus on her career (she goes to one of the best business schools in the country) while I'm in med school. Her parents seem determined to make things as difficult as possible for us. I applied to many of the same cities for med school that she wanted to work in. However she got an incredible job offer at a city that doesn't have a medical school, and they want her to accept it because it puts a 5000km distance between us....it's things like that that make me believe it's me they have a problem with and not med-school lol. 

Her sister and brother-in-law are the only people who support us, although they have warned us that marriage is very hard by its self and adding med-school to it will make things even more difficult.

[PrincessMuni]

wow, I feel your pain...

I'd like to see someone's response in here?

[Yaxya]

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

The basic principle is that it is mustahabb to hasten to get married for the one who is able for that, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, for it helps him to lower his gaze and protect his chastity. And whoever cannot do that, let him fast, for it will be a protection for him.”. Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5065) and Muslim (1400).

This is especially important in these times when temptations are widespread.

Moreover, as you have just started studying, this means that this waiting period will be very long, and this is not in the interests of young men or young women in general, and it is not in the interests of the engaged couple in particular. Whoever is able to get married at the age of twenty, there is no benefit in delaying it until he is twenty five, and so on. Moreover, having a lengthy engagement is not something good, because the couple will be in a state of suspension, as it were, even if we assume that there are no haraam things involved such as mixing or being alone together, etc.

It should be noted that the one who fears that he may fall into haraam is obliged to get married, and it takes precedence over studying in the case of a conflict. No differentiation is made between men and women in that regard, if they can afford it.

Secondly:

There is nothing wrong with completing one’s studies after marriage, but is it possible to combine studies and household duties? This varies from one person to another, according to their abilities and circumstances. It also varies according to the type of study, and whether there are children or not. It seems that there are some people who can do it and some who cannot.

We advise you to pray istikhaarah and consult people before taking this decision, and we ask Allaah to guide you to all that is good.

And Allaah knows best.

[Xaasid]

get married then worry.

[N.H]

Salaam!

Marriage is a blessing, so why not choose to be blessed? Hehe, khayran inshaAllaah =) Just remember, whatever it is, Allaah (swt) does not burden any human being with more than he/she is well able to bear! Note: I am not saying marriage is a burden, but merely can be a situation (at times).

[Bellevue]

Being married and at the same time a student is much easier for men compared to women. I know quite a few girls who got married in their first year at university and the best one just about managed to go back to university after taking a year out to have a baby. The rest just gave up.

[SomeBoy]

I don't think getting married as a student is easy. You will have more problems in the future. First get a job than marry. That's just my opinion though.

[Afatah]

every one talked what  they think about being a medical student and married at the same time. the city i lived in states,  the first Somali doctor was married man  with 5 kids.. masha allah. his wife supported him while he was pursuing medical school. when he successfully finished his wife started going nursing school. now she about graduate. so, marriage is all about partner i believed. they can easier or harder. for my advice do not take a chance finish your school. eventhou we all say this and that...  its like we can determine what is going to happen in life. good luck  bro..