Controlling people...

[Geeljire]

I came accross this article and thought I would post it because you never know who might be reading this and may benefit from it ~


How to Recognize a Controlling Person

Those who try to control other people are, simply put, not nice-and probably have deeper issues . Here are some ways to recognize a controlling person and respond accordingly.


Think about your own actions. Did you ever find yourself altering your own personality or views to fit with someone else's, even if you are a strong person? If so, you might have been dealing with a controlling person. Most of the time, a controlling person presents himself or herself as if they are always right. Like that old saying: "no ifs, ands or buts about it."

Be on the lookout for moodiness. People with moody personalities are often unhappy with their lives and try to improve their situation by controlling others.

Consider if you always have to change your plans for this person. Let's say you have your day all planned out and then you receive a phone call from a friend, and you tell them your plans. The person wants to join in with your plans, with the exception that your time doesn't work well for them, or maybe that isn't the place they want to go. The next thing that you know, your plans have totally changed. You end up seeing a movie that you didn't care to see, at a time that you didn't really care to go.

Listen for compliments. Some people with control issues are not good at giving sincere compliments. They do not want you to feel good about yourself because it may take control away from them.

Watch out for controlling people if you are very attractive, for they will make your life miserable. Your looks will become a handicap in a controlling relationship, for they probably have a jealousy problem too.

Keep track of your relationships. Sometimes a controlling person will try to cause trouble between you, family and friends. They may even go as far as embarrassing you. This is in order to isolate you from others. Be sure to stay aware of these traits.

Be on the lookout for not only moodiness, but temper outbursts by the other person when you disagree with them or don't do exactly what they want you to do. In their minds, you are challenging their authority over you. They should not have improper authority over you if you are an adult.

Remember just because someone is opinionated doesn't mean they are controling. A good test to tell the difference between someone who is just very opinionated or controlling is if they willingly accept or tolerate differences between you and them and don't try to change any part of your core person or personality.


Tips

If you are a person who likes to control others, step back and take a long look at the stress that you may be causing someone else.
Don't let another person rule your life, or take away your self-esteem.

Relationships and friendship are not built on who is in control.

The stronger a person that you are, the harder a controlling person will work to tear you down. It's like an ego trip for them.

A controlling male or female may try to control the way you dress and speak, or they may even criticize your opinion.

Controlling people can be both male and female; both romantic and platonic. Be just as wary of a jealous friend who hates your significant other as you are of your significant other especially if your friend is unhappy with his/her romances.

A controlling person may begrudge you being able to sleep longer hours.

It is likely that a controlling person plays head games, in order to hide this major fault that they have.

Special note: there is a big difference between being in control of one's self, and trying to control other people. Having good self-esteem is a good thing, the other isn't.

If you are a strong, secure person you may over time start to feel a bit weird about how you can never be correct in much of anything around this person. Especially if it is a topic they feel they know a lot about. Listen to these feelings, they are there to guide you.

Controlling people are very manipulative. They will not like it when you try to stand up for yourself about something that is important to you. Always try to stay calm in conflicted conversations and do not lose your cool. Keep in mind that they probably will because you are challenging their control. End conversations immediately if they start to get verbally violent either by leaving or saying goodbye and hanging up the phone.


Warnings

The longer that you allow other people to control you, the weaker you may become.

If you find yourself changing what your interests used to be to that of the other person's and have given up hobbies or other people you enjoy- you are allowing that person to influence your personality and happiness.

Remember- we teach people how to treat us. If you find yourself constantly "giving in" to the other person; you are not being yourself and are being controlled.

Set firm boundary lines of what is and isn't acceptable to you when dealing with a controlling person. They will push these limits to test you. Stay firm and don't back down.

http://www.wikihow.com/Recognize-a-Controlling-Person

~Geeljire